World's Fastest Pizza

It's a struggle when your pizza is extra cheesy.

Go down under in the game critics are describing as "Please stop emailing me!" Battle through the suburbs using a collection of SUPERPOWERS and NOT-SO-SUPERPOWERS in your mission to end hunger and share the happiness of sexy pizza.

What SUPERPOWERS are included?

You get a Personal Assistant Koala , Black Magic, A Cloned Flash Mob, a Time Machine, and Bovine Growth Hormones, among others. Nothing too strange.

Are there DESTRUCTABLE ENVIRONMENTS and A BANGIN' SOUNDTRACK?

If the title lacked those, it would waste your time. I would not waste your time!

Is weather control possible?

Man, you really don't know when to stop, do you? OF COURSE YOU CAN MAKE IT RAIN.

Who is the main character?

Tortoiseman originated from planet Tortopia and was sent to Earth by his father, J-Dilla, right before the planet exploded. On Earth, he was adopted by a bogan pizza chef and his spouse. He also began showing off incredible superpowers, which he chose to use to help people. Using the completely made-up name Cornelius Pretorius, he is a delivery driver for World’s Fastest Pizza, a fast-food establishment in Fremantle.

Is Channing Tatum in the title?

Yes.

Matthew McConaughey?

Sure.

But what regarding the...

HUSH, child. I know you have questions, but I can only tell you that the answers are found inside this incredible game!